fucking bitch. wow. i've heard that you've been a good groupmate. wtf man now that i experienced it, i pray hard this is the first and the LAST one. fml to know you seriously. useless guy. so self-centred. still dare to say i vent my anger on you? think about what you told me initially that made me angry. don't be such an asshole

now i am even more determined to win you in all the remaining tests, i will prove you wrong. if you want to waste my time, at least get me to do something more meaningful, why ask me to sit there and stare at you do things huh, you think you do more things = very good? come on, get a life. don't think you very smart = very big fuck. asshole

soo .. last weekend was shyt job. i finally completed my 16 hours in banquet operations ! a load off my mind, cause that means i'm left with another 16 hours ... uhhhh okay can.

so last weekend was actually quite fun, but then later not so fun also. had fun on saturday, was late but it still turned out to be damn good. sunday just didn't turn out as good as i thought it will, sigh pretty bad.

anyways, changes made to my course, i'm quite happy about it, but i hope i really make it, jiayou jiayou jiayou! i won't let people look down on me, especially you

very hard to express my feelings in english now. i know i've been telling a lot of people about my relationship problem, i said it merely because i really needed to get this load off my heart, needed a listening ear, needed someone who understood me, but serously, if anyone don't wish to hear, feel free to tell me that you're not interested to hear.

对于你因该说是迷恋吧，相信吗，我已经傻傻的暗恋你一年了。从我们第一次见面就对你有所感觉，但从来没想过我自己会真的爱上你，也从没想过和你在一起。

为了你我真的做了很多傻事，在你面前我也出丑过无数次，很丢脸。因为喜欢你，所以希望在你面前的印象都会是好的，可是真的很难。不知为何总是在最丢脸的时候被你看到

在我难过伤心的时候，你却不知道跑到哪里去

就是这样一直看着你的背影。我真的很失败，以为时间会改变一切，总有一天你会爱上我，可是原来根本没有分别，以前是这样，以后也是这样。我曾经傻傻得以为你对我也有意思，还幻想过假如我握着你的手，你会有什么反映，可是，没有勇气。

你的改变让我很害怕。我跟你的回忆太多了，多到无论我到哪里都有办法想起你。当初被你丢下，我哭了，因为是为了别人。我吃醋，我忌妒，我不开心。我的不满，不爽，不开心又有谁知道？

每次看见你我都会不由自主地笑，就算在生气，只要你一笑，我的气好像就着要消失了。你就这样控制着我的情绪，也因为你我的情绪起伏不定。

八年，一开始就上是一场梦，原本明明就很清楚的知道我们是不可能的，可是还是不由自主地栽进去。要是当时我果断点，再点离开，或许现在就不会那么痛苦。那天发生的事把我叫醒了，我决定了离开，离开你，过着一个没有你的日子。我很清楚这个梦我做了太久了，不是说忘记就忘得了，可是我必须努力的忘记。这几天的简讯越看越让我难过，心痛。

我以为你会明白我，以为你会在乎我，可是原来都是我一厢情愿，是我想太多了。其实早就说过要放弃，可是都没真的做到，我真的很失败ｈｕｈ。　很讨厌我自己，竟然可以一直让你利用而毫不介意。爱情让人盲目，我想我不只盲目，我简直麻木了，瞎了。醒醒吧，不要再笨下去了

你是我暗恋中最让我感觉到难受，心痛，痛苦的一个，爱上你因该是老天耍我的一种方法吧，是时候停了，我再也受不了任何打击了，我的情绪崩溃，我已无法控制了

never expected myself to do this after my last post. just a day later ..

something happened back at work. okay so what if you're older than me, like 3 years older ? doesn't make a big deal because no matter what, i've been there for a year, the least you could do is show me some respect and not shake your butt infront of me making a lot of sacarstic remarks. if you cannot do it 100% well also, the don't talk about people, who the hell you think you are.

so i was hit upon my right shoulder by a bucket, still hurt till now. that hit actually woke me up, i broke down and cried, not only because of the pain on my shoulder, but also the piercing pain i felt in my heart. i wanted to do this asap, i smsed her immediately and asked for resignation, ask me why, i cannot reply, because everyone is the reason, even him.

i didn't knew my resignation would affect you. you probably said it cause you thought it was funny or you thought it was cheering me up, but no it really wasn't, it only hurt me even further. if you'd shown care and concern for me, i would have been way happier. i cried, and cried non-stop. i looked like an idiot and i really was.

if only i had been so decisive a year ago, things wouldn't have turned out this way, i wouldn't have fell in love with you until this state where i cannot pull myself out anymore. you're the first guy i love so deeply, the first one that hurt me so deeply, the first one that made me thought that loving someone was really dumb and tiring and i really am.

i respected her, thus i agreed to delay of resigning. though i doubt i'm even of any importance to this workplace anymore. i've had enough, been hurt enough, cried enough. i never thought my first job in life would end so sadly, that it has caused me so much tears in life. life's really sad, thats as that and i have enough of it.

idk why i'm still doing so much for you. it saddens me to see how cold our sms conversation were, it hurts me ..

okay its 3.23am now and i'm wide awake when i got work at 12pm later on, hope i don't die.

first post of the year, gonna be a sad one. everyone's leaving, one by one ... soon it's gonna be my turn. i never expected things to turn out this way, never thought this day would come, that everyone's leaving, just a matter of time. this place use to bring my lots of beautiful memories, had fun at work everytime i went, almost every few minutes. then, everyone changed, things changed, people changed, and i'm afraid of changes.

well, new comers comes, old people go, new comers come and kp me, wow that amazes me. i might not be the oldest here, but come on, i've worked there for so long already, show some respect to me okay, you don't think cause you know more means you're smarter, if i haven't been away for so long, i could easily kick you away -.-

anyways my existence is no longer of importance to you all anymore isn't it, not to him, not to her, not to anyone. its pretty pointless to stay on, because there's no more meaning in staying, i hate life now, i hate how people is treating me, i hate how people changes, i hate whoever i'm facing everyday, i hate everything around me.

thats it, i've had enough of you fooling around me, if you like me, i dare you to confess, because i will accept it. but if you don't, please stop wasting my time and happiness, because you're only making me feel so much terrible.

my life's a total mess now, i need time to clear it up, please people, stop entering into my life, at least till i get my mind sorted out